They have me jacked up on caffeine and some other drugs to keep me awake. They think that Marcus can't get in my head anymore if I don't sleep or anything like that. I can't space off or sit and think, I'm not allowed to. I have to be doing something 24/7.
Jaeger, Warren, and some girl are in an office somewhere upstairs, trying to figure out how to keep Marcus away from me and my mind. They're probably concocting stimulants or inventing mixtures and pills that will keep me awake until they can find something else.
Right now I'm sitting at the granite breakfast bar in Jaeger's kitchen, staring at the condensation roll down the glass jug of lemonade. I stare as the droplet of water runs down the entire jug, jumping and jittering around the glass until it gets to the granite slab.
Someone turned on a stereo a couple hours ago, blasting random genres of music. I'm not even listening to it anymore; it's just noise. All I want to do is sleep in my own bed at home and wake up to Olivia and Tate. My heart starts pounding at the thought of them.
The monitor they have me hooked up to is beeping erratically. Very annoying, actually. It's also very frustrating to cart the thing around wherever I go, and getting it up the two flights of stairs isn't a blast, either.
Olivia and Tate... Where are they? Are they together? Are they... Dead? My stomach drops, and the machine beeps faster. My ears start to ring loudly, and soon I'm covering my ears and screaming. The thudding footsteps coming down the stairs sound like thunder.
My body doesn't feel my own anymore. It feels foreign. Smells foreign. Looks foreign. I'm not myself anymore; I know Marcus has me this time. The fear in my veins only spikes as he take over, a pressure on my brain that seems to push in some places and pull in another. My arms are popping in directions they shouldn't be, making me gag. I don't have anything to throw up. I don't know how long it's been since I've eaten.
I watch as my body does things I don't tell it to. I watch, almost as if from a different point of view, like I wasn't even in my body at all. I watch as my eyes roll to the back of my head and my body shudders. I watch myself being tortured and manipulated, twisted and snapped. I watch my friends gape in horror at the sight of my body on the floor. I watch.
I can't hear anything. I can't hear the words they're shouting, or the shattering glass as they knock the jug of lemonade off the counter top. I can't hear the monitor, but it looks as though I've flat lined. I float above the scene like a ghost, yet not really.
Marcus' laugh shakes the room, coming from my body's lips. The body I'd once lived in now raises off the floor, chest rising upward, feet off the ground, head hanging like a dead chicken's. The neck snaps upward suddenly, nasty cracking sounds echoing throughout the room. The eyes that used to be blue are now solid black, even the parts that are supposed to be white.
"Who's winning now, bastard?" Several voices from my mouth chuckle. The mouth contorts into a wicked smile full of jagged teeth.
Warren grabs my body's legs in the blink of an eye and hauls me down onto the counter top faster than I can process what was happening. Jaeger also moves faster than humanly possible and shoves a needle into my body's throat.
A screech fills my head (at least my mind, or maybe not even that), and soon the pressure is back on my brain. Pulling and pushing, pushing and pulling. Excruciating pain vibrates through my bloodstream. I snap back into my body completely, followed by the sound of burning saplings.
Foam is coming from my mouth as I shake uncontrollably. I can hear Jaeger mutter several prayers and he squeezes my hand. After Warren wipes the foam from in and around my mouth, Jaeger roughly grabs my face. Soon his mouth is on mine, shoving air into my lungs.
I wish I could tell them I was okay. I wish I could hop off the table and pull Jaeger into a huge bear hug and be happy.
Stop, just stop. Be strong one more time, get off the counter. Get up and get what you want. Take control. You aren't a puppet anymore.
Do it. Now.
Fueled with new-found adrenaline from the voice, I groan inwardly as I fight the pain. I dig my fingers into the barrier between unconsciousness and consciousness and begin to tear. It takes everything I have to make a hole big enough to fit into as I try to come back to reality.
A gasp escapes my lips as I come to. Jaeger looks down at me with surprised eyes, shocked. He scoops me up carefully and hugs me, crying. It hurts so much to cry, to move, to breathe, but I join him anyway. It feels so good to feel safe, at least for a moment.
We sit there and cry for about two more minutes before he slides me off the granite slab. I don't want to move, yet it hurts more to resist it.
"I'll take you up to the shower again," Jaeger whispers. Him and Warren exchange nods before he pads out of the kitchen. His bare feet make scuffing noises on the carpet, but it's kind of soothing. It feels so nice just to hear normal things again.
I don't know if I honestly doze off before he reaches the stairs, but one moment we are at the bottom, and the next we are walking in the hallway on the second floor toward the bathroom. My head hurts, I don't want to think about anything.
We pass several open doors, each room with large windows letting in afternoon sunlight. The walls are a soft beige, bare. No pictures hang on them at all. A bookcase sits against the wall between the doors of an office and a bedroom.
I listen to Jaeger; his breathing isn't stressed or ragged or anything. He isn't struggling to carry me around. Honestly, if I weren't basically dying from pain, I wouldn't mind joking around with him. I wouldn't mind running around outside in the autumn leaves or lay out under the stars with him. I wouldn't mind spending a long time with him at all...
He pads onto the bathroom tile and sits me down on the ottoman in the middle of the room.
"Actually, I think you'd much rather sit in the tub than in the shower," he coughs and wipes his eyes. "I don't know why we didn't use it last time."
I stare straight at the sink, trying not to move. My neck seriously feels broken, and I'm surprised it's not considering the severe cracking it did earlier.
Jaeger coughs again and kneels down in front of me, "The shot I gave you," he touches the spot so lightly I could barely feel it, "will keep Marcus outta your head for a while..." He gives a lopsided smile, "You're safe.. For now," he whispers.
A tear rolls down my face, but it's a good one. I'm happy. I feel like I haven't been happy in about two months. I also reek of sweat and dirt.
I try to clear my throat, "Uh, it will probably be better to shower first. I'd rather not sit in my filth." My voice cracks and is scratchy.
He shrugs, "It was just an idea... I figured you'd rather sit in a bathtub than sit on a a shower floor."
He leaves me to myself, alone in this cold bathroom. He leaves me alone to my thoughts, hopefully away from Marcus.
It hurts to peel my clothes off of my body: a slow and agonizing process. As soon as I get everything off, I gasp as I catch sight of something. A nasty, skinny girl stares at me. Her hair is ratted and matted, her eyes sunk into her face. Her bones protrude under her skin, her stomach a bit bloated. It hurts to know that the person staring back at me in the mirror is myself.
My twig-like fingers gingerly touch my prominent ribs. I would throw up, you know, if I had anything to puke.
I turn the water on in the Jacuzzi tub, and sit in it, too tired to lower myself to the shower floor. I wouldn't be able to get up if I did that. The tab fills up quickly, maybe within two minutes. The water is almost scalding, but I leave it. I don't know how long it's been since I've bathed. Obviously a while since I think the last time I ate was the last time I showered.
I slip under the water, completely submerged. The tub is huge, like my own little underwater escape. I wish I could runaway to the bottom of an ocean and just sit there, watching fish and the sunlight above. I wish I could just breathe underwater.
I gasp as I sit up to breathe, wiping water from my eyes. Steam rises from the water and wisps away in the air. As I watch more enter the air, I notice Micah sitting on the ottoman.
My heart races, and I slip a little further into the water so he can't see my body. "W-what are you doing here?" My voice is dangerously weak.
"Don't be scared..." His voice is soft, and he leans forward with his elbows on his knees. At least he's still a few feet away.
"Marcus is doing this, isn't he?" I shriek. I start whispering, "Get out, get out, get out."
"Shh, Rue," he whispers and is suddenly kneeling in front of the tub. "I'm here. Marcus isn't doing this to you, I promise."
"How do I know that? For all I know, he could be doing all of this right now!" By now I'm crying, but it doesn't really look like I am besides the faces I'm making. Of course by 'right now' I mean everything that had happened today.
He leans over the edge of the tub, his face terrifyingly close to mine. "I promise, Rue."
I shake my head, "Leave. Go. Everything was fine before you showed up."
Micah slowly stands up, "Okay. I'm sorry."
I sink into the water again, not wanting to look at him. I don't want to watch him walk out, because maybe he won't. Maybe he'll turn into a horrible monster and bite my face off. And then I'd wake up in a nasty smelling white room, strapped to the ceiling or something.
When I come up, he's gone. A cold chill comes from the open balcony he cliche-ically used to leave. I scoff and grab the shampoo from a low shelf on the wall the tub is glued to. It literally takes everything I have just to squeeze some out on my hand, and it ends up squeezing out a lot more than expected. It shoots across the tub, actually. It probably even gets on the floor.
"Jaeger!" I yell. I'm too sore to even lift my arms up to wash my hair. "Jaeger!"
Fast footsteps thud to the door and it's quickly opened.
"What? What's wrong?" He's wearing basketball shorts that are about three sizes too big without a shirt. Normal high school students would not be as muscular as him. He stares at my hands that are covered in shampoo, "You need help?"
I sigh, "Yes, please."
This is the second time with him that I've felt like a little kid. He has to help me wash my hair.
Jaeger dips his hands in the water and then scoops the shampoo off of one of my hands and starts scrubbing my hair. "I was wondering when you were going to scream for help," he jokes lightly.
"You shouldn't even have left," I whine.
"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable when you changed."
"You wouldn't have. My body made me uncomfortable anyway," I sniffle. "How long have I been like this?"
His hands slow down in my hair, "It took you about three weeks to get to how you are now."
I choke on a sob, "You let me get like this?"
Jaeger leans down to my ear, and his voice sounds pained, "I had no choice, Rue. It took us four days to find you, and after that everything we tried to give you was rejected. We barely kept your IV in. Marcus was sucking everything out of you."
"Where's Olivia?" I bite my lip, afraid of his answer.
I can tell that he hesitates before saying something, "We don't know, Rue..."
I sob some more, feeling depressed and helpless. Marcus has her. For all I know, she's dead.
"Hun, let me finish washing your hair, okay? We can... We can talk about this when you're done, okay?" He obviously doesn't know what to say, so I just nod to make it easy on him.
After my hair is washed, he closes his eyes as I wrap a towel around me. He then lifts me out of the tub and sets me on the ottoman.
The soft light of the light bulbs around the mirror casts a warm glow on his face, and makes his cheek bones more prominent.
I don't want to move from this spot, in this huge, fluffy towel. I just want to curl up in it and sleep for the rest of my life. Curl up and never have to open my eyes, speak to anyone, or worry about anything. It would be me, myself, and my dreams.
"I have some clothes for you to change into. I picked up some... Lady things from the store for you, also." He coughed and scratched the back of his head.
An embarrassed blush settles in my cheeks. "Thanks," I whisper.
"I have to be weird now, but you haven't had your period since the last time you were, well, normal," he pulls up a decorative chair and basically slams his butt into it. I'm surprised it doesn't break from the force he used in sitting on it..
I sit up, slightly scared. "Why?"
"Well your body was so scared that it stopped your menstrual cycle. Since everything is back to normal, you should be getting it soon."
It's an awkward conversation. The atmosphere is awkward. All I do is nod.
He leaves and brings me back a bra and underwear, one of his shirts, a pair of his pajama pants, along with pads and tampons.
It takes a lot to step into underwear and pants, and pulling a bra and shirt on is much more of a hassle. The shirt, since it's so big, isn't that hard to put on. Neither are the pants.
I crawl into his bed after changing and using female toiletries, and sit in silence for a moment. What is tomorrow going to be like? The same thing? I don't want to go through all this again. I just want everything to be normal again.. I just want to fall asleep and wake up to Tate and Olivia eating breakfast in the kitchen at the apartment.
Jaeger walks in, "Need anything else?"
"No, I don't think so..." I sigh and bite my lip, "Will you stay with me, though? I don't want anything happening while I'm sleeping..."
He nods and offers a smile. I actually do want him to stay because I don't want to get mind-jacked while I'm sleeping or something. I also just want someone to sleep with so I know I'm not alone.
No, you're never alone.
Jaeger slides into the bed next to me, "You're never alone."
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